Sunday, August 26, 2012

About The Muffins....

To Lily,  on the eve of your first day of high school:

Tonight I made  muffins  for your first breakfast as a Mt. Lebanon High School student, tomorrow morning.  This, undoubtedly, will seem trivial to the outside world, but holds, for me, a much deeper significance. Nearly fifteen years ago, I sat, nursing you, at a meeting of breastfeeding women, whose presence soothed my soul, making common-place the parenting choices which your father and I made, and practiced so vehemently.  As I discovered the wonder of a supportive community of like-minded women, I was fed a snack of Brother Bonifaces' Mepkin Abbey Pumpkin bread, and I've made this recipe regularly, for you, ever since.

Its a little after 9pm.  I'm guessing that behind your closed bedroom door, there lies a girl filled with all of the expected nervous energy of somebody about to embark on something momentous. I'm thinking that sleep may evade you...all the "what ifs" racing through your mind at superhero speeds.  Funny, I had one of those nights myself, nearly fifteen years ago- when my water broke and I knew I'd be meeting you for the very first time- this life which had so miraculously developed inside of me, which I had nurtured and loved from the very moment the test read positive.  During those forty-two hours of labor, I could not imagine being the mother of a fourteen year-old, beginning her freshman year (Lord knows, the only thing I wanted, then, was a baby, oh, and an epidural.... and some sleep).  I remember meeting you for the first time and being so overwhelmed with your features- so beautiful- all that black curly hair and the precious way you sucked your thumb.  God, how I loved you- with such intention and fervor. And not a minute has passed, since then, that I haven't placed every ounce of the best of what I've got into doing right by you.  All the sleepless nights, the pacing of floors, the worrying, the tears, the loss of my career and its income potential, and the comforts that go along with it...you were and are worth it.....and I'd do them all the same way, if I had to start all over again.  There is nothing that I missed or am missing that is more validating than your very being.  You, in all of your maturity and poise and grace and dignity- with your astounding intellect and passion for details- you are already a success.  And nothing less than a million times better than what I hoped for.

 These four years will present you with many challenges, dear Lily, but none which you cannot meet head on and overcome.  You will make mistakes, but none you won't learn from and build upon.  Your heart may be stomped on and broken, but from that you will uncover your most hidden strengths.

May the morning bring relief of your fears- as you begin a new and most important journey into adulthood.  May you hold fast to your values- with a burgeoning confidence in your ability to achieve anything your heart desires. May you take to this great adventure with all of the determination which has become your trademark.

You, my red-headed wonder, are potential.  Here You Go....

Love,
Mama

P.S.  Your father, with all of his amazing eloquence, would like to add "fly, little birdie, fly..." Good grief. (We are both, now, laughing out loud).





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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Forty-three year-old, mother and staunch advocate of four young children, passionate warrior of truth and self, finding the soul in each day, sharing my struggles and triumphs as I live them. Mostly I do this for me, so my thoughts don't race as much at night as they used to. But I also give this to those of you who need to know, in any or every way, that you are not alone.

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