Monday, June 27, 2011

The Bulb

I am a garden enthusiast- actually a garden obsessive/compulsive, if I'm really being honest.  I get all tingly in nurseries, like some folks do while eating Godiva or trying on shoes.  I've had to avoid spending much time investigating my landscape, this summer, in order to resist the temptation to blow our vacation budget on hundreds of perennials.  And I totally would- in a heartbeat.

Today, in a conversation with my therapist, I likened myself to a bulb- filled with life and beauty-but desperately in need of planting in fertile soil, in order to thrive.  We only had about five minutes left in our fifty minute session, but she fervently pulled out her easel, art paper, and paints, and demanded that I draw this- this image of me- a horticultural specimen of sorts-longing to bloom.

At first I painted using long strokes, with a wonderful new brush, but as I got lost in my work, I found that I needed to be more intimate with the medium, enthusiastically forming the rest of my rendition, using only my fingertips.

With the enchanting melodies, of a meditation CD in the background, bringing harmony to my artistic endeavor, I began to feel a deep gratitude for the opportunity to, at once, and without premeditation of any sort, get messy and whimsical and creative.  We forget, or downright refuse, to give ourselves permission to live that way in adulthood-why is this? Which then begs the question:  Is it really any wonder why so many of us are on anti-depressants?

So here I am:  "The Bulb"

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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Forty-three year-old, mother and staunch advocate of four young children, passionate warrior of truth and self, finding the soul in each day, sharing my struggles and triumphs as I live them. Mostly I do this for me, so my thoughts don't race as much at night as they used to. But I also give this to those of you who need to know, in any or every way, that you are not alone.

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