Wednesday, April 6, 2011

It Ended Well

Seth, at The Children's Museum

I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone
This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use
45 in a 35
Sirens and fines while I'm running behind
Whoa
This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use- Francesca Batistelli


Today was an exceptionally difficult day....I barely slept last night, with several interruptions by several members of my family.  Single parenting is not for me, which I kindly mentioned to my husband, who is away on a business trip this week.  I didn't sign up for this, really, though when I signed up, I did check that proverbial box stating "for better or for worse."  Today would be "for worse."

I am beyond tired.  I don't parent well when I am tired.  I feel especially burdened with the choices I've made when I lack adequate sleep...the choice to become a parent, the choice to parent full-time, the choice not to drive off the nearest bridge (and there are SO MANY here in Pittsburgh)...every question from Seth today (and I think there were 500 of them) was like nails to a chalk board.  "Why, Mommy? Why that trash truck doing that? Why I have to wear a coat? Why?" or "GO MOMMY- LIGHT IS GREEN-GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (when the light was red)"....

I had to laugh at Ben, in the 
parking lot of Giant Eagle, with 
his tank top, shorts, and snow 
boots.  This isn't a great picture-taken 
with my cell phone, in not-so-great 
conditions, but I wanted you to see
the hilarity of this kid of mine...
But, at the end of the night, tonight, while at the grocery store with my 8 year-old son, an employee swept in, like a good Samaritan, and made me think twice about the personal pity party I was throwing for myself.  We'd gone up to the cafe to order a sub (which Ben had been waiting patiently for before and after his gymnastics class), only to find that they had closed fifteen minutes earlier.  The kind gentleman, behind the counter, who appeared, at first glance, to be an escaped convict, offered to make my son the Italian Cold-Cut (with lots of onions), anyway.  Then he gave it to him for free.

On the whole, it was a rotten 24hrs.  The little "gifts" of light from a couple of friends, my daughter (who made my bed tonight- just because) and the generosity of a stranger, wrapped the day up in a package that was easier to take in the end.  And for this, I am ever so grateful...and blessed-so big.

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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Forty-three year-old, mother and staunch advocate of four young children, passionate warrior of truth and self, finding the soul in each day, sharing my struggles and triumphs as I live them. Mostly I do this for me, so my thoughts don't race as much at night as they used to. But I also give this to those of you who need to know, in any or every way, that you are not alone.

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