Saturday, March 26, 2011

RODRICK RULES- The Five Funniest Things About Today

#5:  Liam playing his first lacrosse scrimmage of the season and running like the wind in the wrong direction toward his own team's goal....you have to laugh about that....he's only 10.  Unfortunately, I missed this guffaw because I was busy doing #4.

#4: Seth going to his first birthday party today for one of his preschool friends.  All the kids lined up to play pin the number on Thomas (Tank Engine).  When it was Seth's turn, he stood there with his thumb in his mouth, very chagrined, nose all scrunched up, and yelled "I NOT PAYING DAT BAME MOMMY!" He looked up at me, and I knew he was thinking "why would I want to humiliate myself in front of all these people, with a blind-fold over my eyes, in this crowded room, trying to put a sticker on a train?  who invented this dumb game? you people are crazy."

#3:   Liam and Ben being lead up the basement stairs, into our kitchen, by their father, to receive their punishment for cursing at one another: Tabasco sauce on the tongue.  Lily nearly cried from the guilt of having tattled on them....but was assuaged when both boys came bounding back downstairs to announce that they liked the Tabasco.  Ben thought it tasted like the Buffalo wings he had last night and Liam thought it tasted like salsa, his favorite condiment.  Are you kidding me?  Next time I will apply the sauce, and perhaps mistakenly pour it down their throats.

#2:  Lily standing in the middle of the parking lot of the mall, this evening, crying uncontrollably, screaming at her father "....BUT DADDY, BEN SHOULD NOT EVEN BE HERE BECAUSE HE GOT TWO STRIKES AND WE VOTED TODAY, AT THE FAMILY MEETING, THAT TWO STRIKES MEANT A PERSON COULD NOT PARTICIPATE IN MOVIE NIGHT AND I KNOW HE GOT MORE THAN TWO STRIKES....HE HAD ONE BEFORE HE EVEN LEFT THE MEETING....sniffle sniffle...sob...YOU ALWAYS DO THIS, DADDY....YOU LET HIM GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING!!!! My husband just stood there, quizzically, wondering where things went so wrong and how he ended up having to parent a hormonal teenage girl. 

#1:  Taking the kids to see "Rodrick Rules" from the Diary of A Wimpy Kid series.  In keeping with the potty humor of the movie, I spread the rumor down the row of us that my 10 year old had peed his pants, after he spilled Sprite on his lap, during the second half.  Lily, my 13 year old ever-so-gullible daughter, nearly laughed herself silly then demanded that she be allowed to walk to the car separately, so as not to be associated with her brother, whom she believed was soaked in urine.  All the way home, Lily heckled and prodded Liam about his "accident",then became guilt-ridden and apologized profusely to him, thinking she'd hurt his feelings.  Then I told her the truth and she yelled "WHAT?  I FELT BAD FOR HIM FOR NOTHING?  HE DIDN'T PEE HIS PANTS REALLY? I SAID SORRY TO HIM LIKE TWELVE TIMES!!! MOTHER!!!!"

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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Forty-three year-old, mother and staunch advocate of four young children, passionate warrior of truth and self, finding the soul in each day, sharing my struggles and triumphs as I live them. Mostly I do this for me, so my thoughts don't race as much at night as they used to. But I also give this to those of you who need to know, in any or every way, that you are not alone.

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