Tuesday, June 16, 2009


"Say" by John Mayer

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say [x24]

This isn't the first time I have posted these lyrics....Forgive me for being redundent, but they've been on my mind, and in my ears a lot lately. Natasha gave me a CD she'd created, last May, after I arrived home from the hospital. She was the first person to see me- and I can remember just holding her- maybe for like an eternity...Life was so frightening after being cooped up in that prison for nine days, and her presence made me feel so safe- like maybe the whole thing had just been a nightmare- a figment of my cruel imagination. And later, after she'd gone home to her girls, I popped the CD (titled "Judy's Way Back") into the car and this was song #4. I played it over and over and over again and I still do- because somehow, I feel it epitomizes what I want, for my life and for this blog of mine. I pour my dailyness, my truths, out onto this space and I leave it here for you to do with what you wish...and for me to see how far I've come or who I was or why. And this "truth" is not always the best view of me- it doesn't represent a life lived simply or without suffering. It doesn't define "normal" or "abnormal"- it just IS. And,yes, there have been concerns, over the course of the last year, about some who may lurk here who don't have the best intentions for me (and those close to me)...but then, and now, I make the choice to "say what I need to say" because even if it gives me just one night free of my racing thoughts, it was worth it, or if it gives my children, in the future, some insight into their mother's thoughts and why I made certain choices on their behalf, it was worth it, and maybe, just maybe, if it gives you or somebody, somewhere, reassurance for their own journey, it was worth it.


Storm said...

Join me on Saturdays for Sing to Me Saturday where we share songs that we cherish. I shared this song several weeks ago.

Toot toot.

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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Forty-three year-old, mother and staunch advocate of four young children, passionate warrior of truth and self, finding the soul in each day, sharing my struggles and triumphs as I live them. Mostly I do this for me, so my thoughts don't race as much at night as they used to. But I also give this to those of you who need to know, in any or every way, that you are not alone.

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