Friday, January 2, 2009

Dreaming of 2009

In my dreamworld- the place my mind wanders during sweet slumber under cozy covers on cold sheets- I bid adieu to 2008 and frolic into 2009 with a renewed sense of urgency to serve. As many of you know, I've just turned my back on a year which saw me struggling to live with the sorrows and tumult of post-partum depression and the misery which it leaves in its wake. Through all of my heartache and loneliness, I was amazingly blessed with more love and support than I ever thought possible- allowing me to crawl through those depths of despair, not with ease, but with dignity. And now as the light begins to shine through the crevices of my broken spirit, I am determined to take all of your encouragement and create a place where others may see their own journey through this horrific illness as one that is possible- one that finds healing in mysterious yet miraculous ways- one that is hopeful rather than hopeless.

During the days of my greatest torment, there were no moments where I could phathom even remotely, how any of my pain could have a purpose- it was death defying and frightening and gutwrenching and senseless. And the chaos that followed seemed almost laughable- And as much as I have tried, so desperately, to separate myself from it, to move past it and onto much more "normal" endeavors, I have come to realize that perhaps I need to take what I have and make it my own- instead of circling around in this frenzy of "what do I want to be when I grow up" maybe I am supposed to see that I'm already her- I am already equipped with all I need, to do exactly what God has planned for me. The gifts are in my struggles not my successes.

So, friends, I resolve to take the trials of 2008 and make them my contributions to 2009- to find providence in my calamities- to make a difference in the lives of those trodding down the path in the shoes I've worn.

I feel that I am on the cusp of something great- days in which I will serve with the strength that I have received and it is fantastic to know that the events of my life in the past year will not have been in vain.



About Me

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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Forty-three year-old, mother and staunch advocate of four young children, passionate warrior of truth and self, finding the soul in each day, sharing my struggles and triumphs as I live them. Mostly I do this for me, so my thoughts don't race as much at night as they used to. But I also give this to those of you who need to know, in any or every way, that you are not alone.

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