Saturday, February 23, 2008

Contentment

Lying here with you,
Listening to the rain,
Smiling just to see,
The smile upon your face,
These are the moments,
I thank God that I'm alive,
These are the moments,
I'll remember all my life,
I found all I've waited for,
And I could not ask for more.
Looking in your eyes,
Seeing all I need,
Everything you are,
Is everything to me,
These are the moments,
I know heaven must exist,
These are the moments,
I know all I need is this,
I have all I've waited for,
And I could not ask for more.
I could not ask for more than this time together,
I could not ask for more than this time with you,
Every prayer has been answered,
Every dream I have's come true,
Yeah right here in this moment,
Is right where I'm meant to be,
Here with you, Here with me. . .
These are the moments,
I thank God that I'm alive,
These are the moments,
I'll remember all my life,
I've got all I've waited for,
And I could not ask for more. . .
I could not ask for more than this time together,
I could not ask for more than this time with you,
Every prayer has been answered,
Every dream I have's come true,
And right here in this moment,
Is right where I'm meant to be,
Here with you, Here with me. . .
I could not ask for more than the love you give me,
Cause it's all I've waited for . . .
And I could not ask for more,
I could not ask for more.

EDWIN MCCAIN

Philippians 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.


I've been thinking a lot about contentment lately. It is a particular weakness of mine, and one which probably makes me a stranger to holiness more than any other of my many iniquities. As Americans, we are ingrained with the idea, from an early age, that happiness belongs in the getting of more- more toys, more food, more education, more power, more house, more cars, more luxury, more, more, MORE... and I have fallen into this trap and am constantly flailing around trying to free myself, only to slip back in when I lose sight of what matters the most. It has taken me longer than many to understand that contentment lies not in the finality of a dream or desire but as a state of mind- deciding that where you are is okay. Most of the time I don't feel this- but I'm beginning to learn that its not so much a feeling as it is a committment to putting forth gratitude instead of begging for a better _______.

My Dad asked me, last spring, while driving past my alma mater, if I could go back to the days when I was in there, would I? Without even a split second of consideration, I retorted "you must be kidding...heck no!" Don't get me wrong, friends, I had some really good times in college- I forged friendships that are still invaluable to me, I studied under some remarkable professors in subjects about which I was very passionate,and earned two degrees, and the bulk of a third, in the process. But I consider those just building blocks for my real life- which is now. This is everything I ever hoped for and more. And none of it, or most of it, is not tangible. I have a husband whom I love with a raw sort of fervor, surpassing anything lustful or romantic or human- a much deeper soul partnership, without which I would not be whole. I have four children who amaze me everyday and make my purpose in life extraordinary.



Looking for the lunar eclipse, on a freezing cold night, in our pajamas, in the middle of a parking-lot somewhere in Pittsburgh, in the snow. We'd jumped out of bed, mid-chapter of Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets, piled into the van and drove around forever trying to find it, and even though we were unsucessful, we had a blast. These are truly the best minutes of my life...





They each possess a spirit that leaves me awestruck at our creator and the miracle of creation itself.



Seth Paul Sombar, perhaps the happiest baby on the planet. Here he is, the little booger, in the doctor's office, where I am swearing up and down that he is so sick- DOES HE LOOK SICK? No, I look like an idiot but, God, do I love this kid. His smile just lights up a room!

On any given morning, it is a mystery as to what will entertain my five year old. Last week, after the daily snowfall had hit our town, Benjamin got himself dressed and out the door to shovel. Just don't tell Norm, our neighbor, that he was dumping our snow into his driveway!


Liam is the quiet, brooding brother but one who is extremely loving and kind toward our littlest family member. Here he is playing Peek-a-Boo with Seth one morning before school.




Lily, my glamour girl. Ah- what can I say- she's a mini-me in all the good ways, ONLY BETTER. And, really, that's all we ever wish for as parents- that our kids will have a terrific life, even better than our own!










I have family and friends who accept me as I am and love me unconditionally.

And during times when I am feeling especially self-loathing, like when my jeans require that I lay down on my mattress to zip or when it feels like I will never have time to myself again (like NOW- when my five-year-old is counting to 100 in my ear, as loud as possible, hoping that I will play Bingo with him instead of taking a much needed break- "mommmmmmmmmmmmmy- when I stop counting you need to get down here and play with me.....mommmmmmmmmmmy....how did Abraham Lincoln get shot?....tell me nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy....who's that Bush guy?.....what his name mama? he didn't get shot? nobody shot him? that's you blog, mommy? why why why why why why why why why why why why? )....or when I can't stop thinking about things I want, that for some reason I currently can't have (more money, another bedroom in my bungalow, hair that doesn't fall out everytime I touch it, a second car that can hold our whole family, cats who don't pee on my area rugs, nicer clothes, whiter teeth, perkier breasts, and everything in the pottery barn catalog that arrived in my mailbox today...)I take a deep breath and I remind myself, that for all the things that disappoint me right now, about myself, or my life circumstances, or for all the stuff I think I need but don't possess, if I die tomorrow, the most significant dreams I've ever had have all been realized and I'm walking the most abundant path.... I can be content with even the most imperfect parts of my journey because the life I'm living right now, regardless of financial stability, which is fleeting, or social acceptance, which is fickle, is divine.

0 comments:

About Me

My photo
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Forty-three year-old, mother and staunch advocate of four young children, passionate warrior of truth and self, finding the soul in each day, sharing my struggles and triumphs as I live them. Mostly I do this for me, so my thoughts don't race as much at night as they used to. But I also give this to those of you who need to know, in any or every way, that you are not alone.

Follow Me Through My Daisies

On My Nightstand Tonight

  • Sarah's Key
  • The Bible (NIV)

FEEDJIT Live Traffic Feed

Powered by Blogger.

Blog Archive