Monday, February 4, 2008

You Love What?!!! And Other Curiosities

You hear a lot, these days, about the dangers of driving while talking on the phone. In fact, many states, and the District of Columbia, have outlawed this activity. However, might I add that I think they should further protect the safety of motor vehicle passengers and their drivers, by outlawing bumper-stickers- for no other reason than how distracted I become while driving and trying to read them. I am curious to a fault and can't help but rubber-neck my way into other people's philosophical thinking.

Patriotism seems to invoke quite a bit of sticker prominance: "Freedom Isn't Free" (and ever annoying are those people among us who talk in bumper sticker jargon- these three words being the most popular that I've heard as of late), the standard "God Bless America" or, the polar opposite leftist statement of "God Bless Everybody- No Exceptions".

I've seen quite a lot of political messages recently, especially given that our current President has apparently angered a lot of folks ("Drunk Frat Boy Drives Country Into Ditch" "At Least The War On The Middle Class Is Going Well" "My German Shepherd Is Smarter Than Your President).

Of course, there are your standard, over-stated theological placards of the Fish, the fish with feet, the fish eating the fish with feet, the shark that originated from the fish which has no feet but is now a cool shade of tie-dye, the fish with horns that is channeling satan- you get the point.

And, we mustn't forget the ever tired and annoying "Honor Student" acknowledgements (except for the clever "my honor student beat up your honor student" ).

Sometimes, there are some that are just plain odd, like the one I saw two weeks ago, on the back of a newer model minivan, deep in suburbia, that proclaimed "I Love Vaginas"- causing me to lose momentary control over my own minivan, swerving and nearly hitting a tree.

But then there are the stickers (or mudflaps), and you know what I'm talking about people, that just get my blood boiling. I mean, I start to feel the rage from my toe nails to my scalp, my eyelashes fluttering out of control and my middle finger just aching to leap out of the window and up into the open air(as I am a decent mother of 4, this probably wouldn't be considered the best example for my younguns... I guess). I don't care if you are a republican or a democrat or where you stand on women's reproductive rights. I don't care who you love or what your favorite dog looks like. But there is never, ever, ever a decent human being driving a vehicle upon which there is 1) a confederate flag, and/or 2)the silhouette of a naked woman in a compromising position. I mean, seriously, I just catch a glimpse of such expressions of stupidity and I begin to contemplate acts of violence that could surely land me in the slammer for life. So, the other day, while searching the web for quotes, I found this - and I nearly kissed the screen, I was so overjoyed. I ask you now to join with me, comrades, in saluting the genius who created and/or is marketing this most excellent slap in the face to the afore- mentioned ding-bats- may they all careen off the road into a ditch:

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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Forty-three year-old, mother and staunch advocate of four young children, passionate warrior of truth and self, finding the soul in each day, sharing my struggles and triumphs as I live them. Mostly I do this for me, so my thoughts don't race as much at night as they used to. But I also give this to those of you who need to know, in any or every way, that you are not alone.

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