Friday, November 23, 2007

so long old friend



...I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope its worth all the wait
Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday... G.C. Cameron


I believe that a major source of turmoil in my mind and in my home is due to clutter. One may also call it gluttony or the American Way. No matter, if you ever sink your teeth into a little Feng Shui philosophy, you'll know that you can't live in peace when your abode is strewn with stuff. I have learned the hard way that holding on to items which are not necessarily purposeful, but somehow guilt inducing, has consequences that are wide-ranging and painful. The frustration of having too much affects everyone around you and causes stagnation in your emotional and spiritual growth. So, today, Tom and I got brutal with the containers and piles of junk in our garage. Things we've sworn that we wanted to save, for years now, were, without debate, deposited into the "go" bag. So, it was with great trepidation that I bid goodbye to an old friend- my beloved teddy bear of twenty-three years. He was a gift to me from a "mentor" I had been partnered with through a girls club in middle school. I remember opening the big box from her at Christmas time, finding, to my delight, a big brown fluffy bear. He became my better half of sorts, accompanying me on overnights with girlfriends, to camp, to college, to my first apartment, and to each of the homes I've lived in after that. Even once I'd outgrown the need for him, marrying my human "better-half," I kept the bear around, horrified by the thought of getting rid of him. He'd seen me through many of the difficult periods of my teen years, and then some, and, worst of all, the woman who had gifted him to me, died, shortly thereafter, of leukemia. Yet, recently, I've had to come to terms with my need for organized, meaningful spaces, and how keeping things which harbor only sentimental value, must be well-thought out and very intentional. Other than the people in my life whom I love so dearly, the things I hold most valuable are my photos and letters, my Colorado pottery, and certain books. Using those categories as a gauge, I knew that the bear, with the matted fur and flattened body, should no longer be hanging around, gathering dust. Its so hard to cope, sometimes, with moving on, even from objects. But, if by doing this today, means that I will have to spend less time cleaning and reorganizing, and more time with my family, it is worth it. And the bear, along with the memories associated with him, will live on in my mind, where he belongs.

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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Forty-three year-old, mother and staunch advocate of four young children, passionate warrior of truth and self, finding the soul in each day, sharing my struggles and triumphs as I live them. Mostly I do this for me, so my thoughts don't race as much at night as they used to. But I also give this to those of you who need to know, in any or every way, that you are not alone.

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