Thursday, October 11, 2007

Struggling

Beth, my lifesaving friend, holding Seth
Best Buds Ben and Mikey




I am struggling to keep it together this morning. I'm exhausted. Seth was up four times during the night- from his cold or teething or some developmental phase. Benjamin began kicking and screaming at the crack of dawn to come lay with me. He's an early bird, and very high energy from the point of waking. I've got some virus I'm fighting, which has my head and back aching and my stomach in a whirl. I don't do well on days like today- I start to wonder if there is something wrong with me. I can't enjoy my kids- they just feel like weights on my shoulders that I can no longer carry. I just want to crawl under a rock and sleep for a while.

Beth, Mikey's mom and a friend of mine, and I have been pooling our resources to care for our boys when they are not in preschool. Ben and Mikey love playing together and it gives Beth and I a chance to breathe. This morning, she and I decided to split the day- so she came and picked up Ben and will bring the boys to me for the afternoon. It is such a life saver for us all. Ben is very extroverted and climbs the walls with Liam in school full days now. I spend a great deal of time playing board games, sports, and reading to him, but he really craves time with his friends. I am grateful for Beth today, and my Mom, who is currently pushing Seth's swing by hand as it ceased to function yesterday.

Its minute by minute today kids. Minute by minute.

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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Forty-three year-old, mother and staunch advocate of four young children, passionate warrior of truth and self, finding the soul in each day, sharing my struggles and triumphs as I live them. Mostly I do this for me, so my thoughts don't race as much at night as they used to. But I also give this to those of you who need to know, in any or every way, that you are not alone.

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